Exhausting…….

Have you ever wondered what on earth you were doing here? Like seriously? What is your life all about, what is your mission or purpose? Why do I have to do all these crap jobs?  Well I know I certainly have and only just recently too!

I seem to be constantly surrounded by children, grandchildren, husbands, mothers, everyone being as needy as the next and ALL relying on me to do whatever they need. I call this a form of slavery and have been really resentful lately of everyone just expecting me to wait on them.  I have rheumatoid arthritis in its early stages but still a bit bloody painful. Some days are worse than others just depending on what I have done that day.  It doesnt seem to matter though how sore my hands are, or my arms or my feet I still have to get my hubby his afternoon tea when he gets home from work, cook dinner, serve it to him and my mother (who lives in a granny flat with us) and my 11 year old son which I dont mind. Now ordinarily I dont mind but when I am in pain and have been working all day in the yard, or cleaning the house or running around after kids and grandkids, I’d like a bit of help! I helped my daughter move house just recently, her husband works and she is heavily pregnant so I needed to help her. Holy crap was I sore that night, I had to lift furniture and boxes and tie ropes, and I did this all day. Did I get any help when I got home, nope, still had to cook dinner and wait on everyone. I don’t even get any sympathy just a, well you should speak to that problem in your body and it will go! Ugh!!

Last week very hectic week with babies being born, me looking after a thousand grandkids for days and being so damn tired I could hardly stay awake most days and STILL nothing!.  I yelled out to God and said OMG this CANNOT be my life and what I am put here to do, it’s ridiculous! Being a slave is what you sent me here to be!!! I was so angry upset and then angry some more but what is the point it wont get stuff done any quicker and its just more I have to repent about later ugh! It wasn’t until tonight watching a Joyce Meyers show that I realised it IS what God wants me to do at this stage in my life! She spoke about people who were complaining about their lives and how it cant be what they were put here for and it was like the whole sermon was written for me.  Looking after the elderly (my mother, who is a sprightly 70 year old) is probably one of the deepest things we can do for God, she said. Whoa what?! She also mentioned how one of her daughters homeschools her kids and thats her mission on this earth, oh my goodness I homeschool also!!! This sermon was definately written for me its all pointing to me!  After a while I began to see that God works in mysterious way through us that we wouldn’t even think about, he puts people in our paths that wouldnt’ usually be in the way, its really quite amazing when you step back and take a look!!

So at the end of the day if my hands are sore, or my feet are throbbing and I have to start cooking dinner and my back is aching I should be rejoicing because that’s exactly where God wants me for now! Instead of grumbling in the future I will rejoice because  now I know I am doing Gods Will and living in obedience, which, is precisely what he continues to tell us to do!

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